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Beauty  /  Business Coaching  /  Life Coaching  /  Self-Care

Beauty in the Breakdown

July 10, 2013 by


isolt-love 

A few weeks ago, a certain relationship ended before I was ready for it to be over. It was short but meaningful. I cried because I’ll miss him, and I cried because life has it’s own pace. And sometimes we just aren’t prepared.

Here’s the story: he asked me for an exclusive relationship before I felt ready. After gaining some self-awareness around my resistance, I decided to make a commitment, for him and for myself. At the time, it felt like an act of self-love to let myself be vulnerable and be in a relationship. But just as I was easing into the relationship, he realized he wasn’t ready either. My commitment blew up in my face. It started before I was ready and ended in the exact same fashion.

This time, I did “breakup” differently. I cried for 24 hours and told strangers who quickly became friends. I shared in service of practicing vulnerability, and I am still alive. One friend brought me flowers and others let me talk for hours. I accessed support from all different people and learned that sharing lets others know it’s okay for them to share too. It’s okay to be human.

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The night of the breakup, Miss Oklahoma and Miss Teen Oklahoma (two totally gorgeous sisters) came into our salon to spray tan before their respective pageants. As they apologized for keeping the salon open late, I let them know they were the highlight of my day. I told them about my breakup and we connected on a different level.

As women, we are here to be there for each other.

I’ve always grieved privately and held a lot in. This time, I wanted to practice being open. By choosing to be in relationship, I allowed myself to feel and be vulnerable and this was part of it.

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Getting your heart broken always hurts. Always. And no one likes to have their toys taken away before they’re done playing. It doesn’t matter what type of training you have, how spiritual you are or how much work you’ve done on yourself. At some point, you still feel the pain. And you have to.

In the midst of the madness (or sadness), a friend came to the rescue and said, “Katie, I haven’t known you forever, but what I do know is that this will be whatever you choose. If you want it to be sad and dramatic, it will be. But if you want to turn it into a book or a business, you’re capable of that too.” She was right.

In coaching, we talk about creating a breakdown on purpose. Sometimes you may need to set the house on fire to put yourself into motion. In hindsight, I see how I set the house on fire in my own way. I didn’t feel ready for a commitment but I made one. I chose to see what could happen. I chose to find out what was possible. And I learned a lot about myself and how I relate to others.

People see your beauty in your breakdown, your honesty and your vulnerability. This morning, Brené Brown posted the following on Facebook, “The vulnerability paradox: It’s the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I want you to see in me.” She’s so spot on.

Through my tears, I experienced these very clear moments. I experienced a sense of knowing everything would be okay and acknowledged myself for being my authentic self. Every time you love, you let someone else see you, which includes the parts that don’t feel so pretty. As a result, you see yourself in a different light. You get to experience new parts of yourself.

We’re all afraid of our own darkness, but we are liberated by our light. Every time we love and get hurt, it’s like dying. And then whenever we choose to, whenever we feel strong enough, we get reborn.


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